by Katie Wilson
Katie’s Pride changed everything. It started out in July 2021 as a simple newsletter delivered to the local shops around Hitchin, and years later my whole life is different. In it I educate people about LGBTQ+ issues and share my deepest emotions and feelings about life as a trans woman.
It was during the first lockdown that I made my decision: life is too short. Up until then I’d relied on other people, stayed in one venue, sat in the corner hoping that no one would notice a man trying to look like a woman.
That was when I made the choice to go out as Katie on my own around the shops in broad daylight. I remember so clearly. A friend was originally going to come with me but he cancelled at the last minute, so I was suddenly on my own.
I was a nervous wreck. My separation and attachment issues were tearing my life apart. I had been searching for something all my life and I was in a bad place. I kept on thinking, “What on Earth am I doing?” A little voice in my head telling me that I should just stop and go home, but I knew then that there was no going back. All that time thinking about this day while stuck in lockdown, without being able to go out as Katie. I didn’t tend to dress indoors because of my situation at home.
I looked into the mirror in the washroom and applied mascara with shaking hands. Then I gave my hair one final touch and said to myself, “Come on you can do this!” I don’t know how convinced I really was. I checked in with a friend to get her seal of approval and realised that this was really happening. I walked down the stairs, opened the big red door and stepped outside. It was a leap of faith. I’d always prayed for God to look after me and I certainly did on this day. Without that faith I would not have achieved anything and there definitely wouldn’t be Katie’s Pride.
I had gotten dressed at a friend’s office and found myself at a busy junction in town. It was surreal. I had tunnel vision and blocked out everything around me. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. I had to cross the road and cursed as the lights turned to red. There were around a dozen people there waiting for the light. A bus stopped directly in front of me as I stood there with a mixed bag of emotions swirling around my mind and my body. I tried to avoid looking through the window to see if anyone was staring at me. I wasn’t in control at all, I was just facing my fear head on.
I got across that road and pressed forward. I hadn’t really planned what I was going to do once I was out. It was just a case of doing it. I remember vividly going into The Works and buying a book for £3. I can’t even remember what it was. I paid with a shaky hand and smiled at the assistant, trying to look in control even though I was anything but.
I’m not sure how long that I walked around for, maybe an hour and a half; it was enough to give me that euphoria I’d been deprived of. I later met up with the friend who cancelled and realised it was for the best that I had gone alone. I felt a sense of relief even though it was difficult, I had done it – I’d achieved something that I never thought possible. I had only been out in public twice before, once on a trans weekend in Harrogate and another time in Hitchin five years before but had been so self-conscious I couldn’t enjoy it.
I ventured out a few more times but soon realised that it wasn’t enough. I found myself feeling bored, the novelty had quickly worn off. So within a few weeks of going out I started producing a newsletter as a way of sharing my soul with the world. The originals were made up of a single sheet of A4 paper written on both sides. I made 40 photocopies at work and Katie’s Pride was born.
At first I would just either post it through letter boxes, or shyly explain to people in the shops, and businesses what it was. I’ve since found out that some people have still got early editions. I can’t remember having one bad reaction. Soon after I started, the local paper asked me to write a column for them which I still do once a month.
I started doing Katie’s Pride every week. It gave me purpose, as well as more time as Katie. Soon a friend at North Herts Museum offered to copy my handwritten newsletter and make it more professional looking. For the next few months I was delivering 120 copies around Hitchin.
By now I was starting to make friendly connections in the local shops and businesses. Which was lovely and my confidence grew because I knew that should I get any hassle, I was never that far from help. I count many of them as my friends now.
The scope of Katie’s Pride grew over time. I started including quizzes along with old Top 10 charts and people had to guess what year they were from; I added a section called Hitchin Focus
where I asked people questions about themselves, like what was their first car, or the first record they bought; I use it as a way to help educate people about different LGBTQ+ terminology and how to be a good ally; and promote local events like the Pride Picnic we had after lockdown which helped lead to the creation of the first ever North Herts Pride in September 2022.
Along with Pride Picnics we have held coffee afternoons, parties, regular meetups and even had a raffle with over £1,000 worth of prizes donated by local businesses. We’ve also sold stickers for shops to display which has helped raise money and identify local businesses as allies to the LGBTQ+ community.
All this time the newsletter continued to grow, circulating 250 copies each week. More people got involved, helping with the design and even sponsoring it.
As well as really giving me a focus and a purpose, I like to think that I have helped some people in the LGBTQ+ community and to raise awareness. I am incredibly proud of the journey that I have had and am staggered at how far I have come, but I also realise that there are a number of people who have made that journey possible.
We’ve been involved in the wider community too. We were invited by the Rotary Club to take part in the walking carnival celebrating the Queen’s Jubilee, and we got a Pride bench installed thanks to the help of the late Cllr Judi Billing.
Sadly Judi did not live to see it installed as she had died a few months prior, but when we officially unveiled the bench it was done in her memory. Last
year a second bench was installed at a shopping parade and I secured a grant to hopefully get a third in Letchworth.
All of this has helped my confidence and I have recently reached another personal milestone by attending Hitchin Town football matches as Katie. I was really nervous but it went off without incident and the club has been very supportive. This ultimately led to me creating a booklet called On the Terraces LGBTQ+ to hand out at games, funded with the help of the Football Supporters Association.
These days Katie’s Pride has a circulation of over 500 copies a month, paid for by myself. I hope to secure a new sponsor soon.
My message from all this is that faith can move mountains, and even when you are in a dark place that you can’t see a way out there is always hope. I can’t wait to see where God will guide me next. I still have issues and I think that I always will have, but I hope that this can help other people with their struggles too. I am not a strong person, far from it, but I am still here and life is certainly a lot better than it was four years ago.
So please remember there’s always hope and there’s always Pride. In my case Katie’s Pride.
None of this would have been possible without Keith (North Herts museum), Amanda (newsletter sponsor), or Robin and Wendy (St. Mary’s Church Hitchin).