You Don’t See Me, is a YA novel by non-binary author, Chris Ricketts. In many ways it is a romance story following a trans teenager, Ros, as they fall in love for the first time. However with this new relationship comes growing anxiety and anger. As the assumptions around the relationship grow, they reinforce a false idea of Ros that everyone seems to share. Leaving Ros feeling more and more unseen.
It is important to note that this book includes themes of self-harm, suicidal ideation, underage drinking, and mild drug use.
In this novel Chris Ricketts is able to show the raw and often rough emotions of a trans teen, or indeed adult, who is not yet ready to share who they are with the world. They are able to do this in a way that only those of us who have been there can, and indeed Chris sees Ros as a “version of me”. Their understanding of what teenagers like Ros are going through enables them to create a character who is often painfully relatable, yearning to be understood. Wishing, like many of us have, that people could just see see them for who they are without them having to say anything and potentially risk losing the relationships they have.
The hope to be loved is shared by most, and Ros is no different, but when they get what they have always wanted – a girlfriend – they have to face that people do not view this relationship in the way in which they wish it to be seen. Nobody sees it as being a relationship between a boy and a girl, like Ros has always dreamed of, but instead they are being called a lesbian or worse a dyke. Ros does not want to lose this love, but they struggle immensely with not being seen, and the cracks that have always existed are expanding in ways they don’t know how to cope with. I have very seldom seen representation of that feeling, that while others around you think that they are recognising who you are, but they are wrong. And the assumptions, even if meant to be inclusive, can cause more harm than good. By giving Ros this voice, Chris gives anyone who has been there a voice too.
This novel tells a story that is at times hard, and at others hopeful, it gives a voice to the inner and outer turmoil that many young trans people experience. I appreciated that while there is no doubt that Ros knows who they are, they do not have all of the answers immediately, a common expectation that is placed on us, and one that is often represented. While this can be the case for some, for others we don’t have all of the answers immediately. That choice to represent this part of the trans experience was one I was eager to see.
This book is aimed at those aged 14-18, however it provides good representation for those of us who have been there, and for those who are struggling to understand a loved one who has been in Ros’ shoes. And I think all humans, trans or not, can relate to being in situations that hurt because we are not being seen, overwhelmed by the assumptions being made about us.
By Luna Johnston
Luna (they/them) is TransActual’s volunteer entertainment and literature reviewer.