by Maya Chew I arrived at the dimly lit Heathrow in the dead of winter. “You have a good day, sir,” said the immigration officer as I first set foot […]
Category: Lived Experience
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Remembering who I am
I act for a living. That would make sense, what with going to drama school. It’s tough – brutal at times – but I love it. And I love being trans, in every capacity. Simply knowing myself to be ‘trans’ makes me feel whole. And being both trans and an actor makes me a ‘trans actor’ – I love that, too. But, prior to this year, I was stuck in a habit of forgetting who I am.
But when I started to transition medically, it took a lot longer than other transgender people. When I asked for treatment, I had to wait a long time. They asked me loads of questions, like “you have a learning disability, so do you understand what transgender means?” Someone told me I couldn’t possibly be trans, because it was “too complicated for me.”
I let the nurse persuade me to make an appointment for a check up and went along to the trans specific clinic. I live in London so actually had a choice of two trans specific clinics to go to. I think it being a trans specific clinic made it better somehow. I didn’t have that fear of being misgendered, judged or pitied. I knew that my genitals wouldn’t faze them. There is no way I would have gone to my GP surgery for a smear.
I have friends beside me who know me mostly just by my name, and a loving partner who sees me beyond such labels and celebrates me for who I am. And when I am pushed towards the feeling that my lack of pronoun favouritism renders me somehow invalid or incomplete, these social supports are enough for me.
I don’t want to become another statistic because someone thinks that they have the right to treat me however they see fit – whether that’s because I’m transgender or because I’m a woman.